pounding beers

Ring Announcer: “Ladies and gentlemen  Standing in at 6 foot 6 inches tall 290 pounds hailing from Pittsburgh Pennsylvania The Pure Platinum Performer, Lump Meister!!!”

An Air raid siren above the titan tron begins to swirl with red and Blue light as it makes an awful wailing noise. Black Label Society's “Counterfeit God” begins bellowing out the public address system. As a video of Lump Meister shredding on a guitar begins to play on the screen. A spark shower ignites from the titan tron showering down a flame rain. A few seconds later Lump Meister  emerges from below the spark shower. He extends both arms out to the side for a few second and lets loose a wicked scream. He steps forward out of the spark shower. He move forward to the top of the ramp before abruptly making a tun and going to one side of the scaffolding and yelling some obscenities at the crowd. Then he goes to the other side continuing to jaw back and forth with the spectators. About half way down the ramp he feigns a backhand at one spectator along the walkway. He yells something off camera at the fan before continuing on down.

Upon arriving at the ring he circles it one time to continue his rant at some grabby fans. Finally he makes his way to the announce position grabbing a microphone. He shouts something at the announcers before storming off to the ring. He makes his way around the ring scaling each turnbuckle yelling at the fans the whole time. Finally he turns and moves to the center of the ring.

Lump Meister: “ You know I am getting real tired of this mom and pop operation under selling me on the card. I mean this is me the Pure Platinum Performer we are talking about. I play arenas bigger than this on the slow nights. But since none of my adoring fans even know I am here tonight it would be kinda hard to cash in on that.”

The crowd begins to boo their displeasure.

Lump Meister: “Oh, like any of you all know anything about success! You are as bad as the people back there! I mean here we are at the biggest event this dump has ever even put on and my name isn't even on the poster! The biggest star in this damned place isn't even mentioned! How bad is that? I mean I could only have helped to sell more tickets. Maybe have brought the buy rates from way down here all the way through the roof.”

Some debris flies into the ring but Lump Meister ducks his head to dodge it.

Lump Meister: “ So we have already figured out you fools know nothing about marketing! But then I get back to my dressing room if  you can call it that and once again none of my contractually obligated perks are there. I mean I a six pack of beer too much to assume? Well maybe a 12 pack but still I have it in iron clad writing that these thing are back there. No M and M's with the brown ones removed no deep dish meat lovers pizza. You only agreed to provide these things you know.”

Lump Meister walks forward and climbs the turnbuckle in front of him to the second rope.

Lump Meister: “ But somehow in the amazing run of mistakes you have made tonight. You did manage to get one thing right. Out of all the piles of crap decisions  that have so far made up this night. You got one thing right. The one glimmer of light in this pool of crap you created. You teamed me up with my man Mike Malone to kick the crap out of king chicken or what ever his name is and that Alicia chick. So there may be hope for you yet!”

Lump jumps back off the turnbuckle and returns to the middle of the ring.

Lump Meister: “But know this myself, Mike Malone and After are a rising force here at XYST. Were here to bust heads and pound beer here at XYST. And you all keep forgetting to supply us with the booze. So I guess tonight we will just have to Bust some peoples heads open. So Clyde, great name by the way, Alicia and Rorster where ever the hell you are you better lay low. Because we are coming for you.”

Lump Meister spikes the microphone down on the mat and begins to return to the back.